Dear Child of a Narcissist: You are Allowed to Grieve Their Death

You are allowed to grieve the loss of a your abusive, narcissist, and/or toxic mother, father, or parental figure who has died.

Let me restate that: When your abusive parent dies, you are allowed to mourn their loss.

Not just “the parent you never had” or “the parent they never were”.

You are allowed to grieve the loss of the actual human being, flawed as they were, as much as they traumatized you, despite all the abuse.

You are allowed to grieve the loss of someone who knew you from the very beginning of your life; who knew you at your most vulnerable.

Even if they didn’t protect you as they should have. Even if they took advantage of that vulnerability.

You are still allowed to miss them. You are still allowed to grieve.

You are allowed to miss the times you laughed together, even if the times they made you cry were more frequent and longer and stronger.

You are allowed to grieve those moments when you were close, memories you shared — some of them were probably good.

It doesn’t negate the trauma, or your right to be angry, disappointed, to recognize the negative effects they had on you.